Slip N' Slide

I adore the mornings when you utilize the underside of my stiffening resolve as your own personal slip and slide. When ready you run yourself up that flag pole and I salute you with caresses until you descend upon my glazed hairy matted cradle.

TMI Tuesday – November 13, 2018

by TMI Tuesday blog

Let’s do this! TMI Tuesday is up.

1. Name 3 things that most excite your imagination when you imagine doing them? (I know TMI Tuesday blog is number one, so name three other things   ).

1. What you are wearing under your dress.
2. Do your panties match your brassiere. 
3. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whose shoe is it. Laces or loafers. (Velcro constitutes immediate banishment from my imagination.) How far did it fall. Where is it now. Does it match the last shoe that fell. 

2. When sleeping with your significant other (yes, actually sleeping) do you like to cuddle up or do you prefer sleeping away from them nestled in your own blanket cocoon?

Call me Cuddly Dudley.  I would compromise and accommodate a communal cocoon with an air gap if you are a Fidgety Fiona.

3. Would you rather:

a. Drive 200 miles well over the legally drunk limit?
or
b. Drive 200 miles after being awake for 72 hours?

b. Less likely to receive jail time when I hurt or kill someone else due to my negligence and poor planning

4. Would you rather:
a. Be topless all the time
or
b. Pantless all the time.

b. No mystery. No surprises. All two inches of solid blue granite would be on the table for all to see. 

5. What is something you could talk about for hours?

Time.

Bonus: What is something you could talk about for hours and not bore people to death?

Two inches of solid blue granite.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

World Cup

It is never a good idea to go into a pub at 10 am on a Sunday morning. Especially when you are allegedly old enough to know better. But I had watched a few soccer matches leading up to the final and had found a nice Public House that catered to soccer fans that was open that early on a Sunday. In I went to Kill a few Kennys with a couple of friends. There were a few overconfident Eastern European types in the pub as well and after a bit a few friendly wagers were made. The rest of the daytime hours are history. A big lunch after the match and pockets full of gambling largess I was released into the wild to fend for myself.




The night time hours were near, but not near enough. Where should I go?




I made my way cross town to Slammies.




It had been a while since I had been there. A mere matter of months this time rather than years for a change. I confess my slightly liquored and age addled brain almost admitted to itself that there was an irrational exuberance and audacity of hope that JoJo would be the barkeep this evening. Not being enough of a frequent flyer patron to know the schedules it was a crap shoot at best. But hey, this had been my day for being on the right side of the crap and besides it was still early. JoJo always did wonders for both my mood and libido, if for no other reason that she exuded exquisite energy on all spectrums.




Well when I arrived the the place was busy with World Cuppers who also had been sporting since the early morning hours so entertainment was to be had in conversation and camaraderie. Not to mention since when does anybody in the US care about soccer. But Rodney was slinging the drinks and truth be told he was much more adept with soccer ruffian speak than JoJo would have been.




But with a day of imbibing and visions of JoJo and other ghosts of Slammies gibbering in my head; plus ill gotten gains in my pocket left only one thing to be done.




I went to long forgotten but dark corner of many a man's past and headed further afield out to the airport strip clubs.




Dark. Expensive. Reeking of unrequited male lust after the unattainable dreams and transactional commerce of the most basic and ancient kind. Knowing that I was stimulating the economy and myself in a manner that will only result in a trip down memory lane of what a naked woman of a totally inappropriate age for me looks like, I was on a splurge. The visual enticement would certainly charge my batteries. Polite, but never wanting to waste a dancers time when she could be transacting commerce, left me with plenty of time to enjoy the dancers lithe bodies from afar. Not dark lurking corner afar. More midway between drooling stage side tipping range and creeper corner where the bouncers watch for the first whiff of trouble.




The dancers are delightful. All ages and body types. Lovely to the last jiggle. I am mesmerized at the bounty displayed. Some eliciting illicit memories. Others merely long held fantasies. Much to the dismay of the women's bottom line I am too frugal to invest too much of my liquid capital on things other than my liquid hobbies.




That is when it happened. The stage went dark. The MC announce the next performers name. I don't even recall what it was. Your stock in trade strippers name. It was clever. It was enticing. It was not to common. Not to abstruse. It was just…...JoJo!




Okay. I admit I thought about skulking out. For her ? For me? Considering the number of faces she has to see across the weathered bar of Slammies was I kidding myself that she would even recognize me? With the stage lights could she even see beyond the leering laddies stage side with their mitts full of lucre?




I stayed. I confess. The thought of seeing JoJo naked, strutting, and shimmering won the fantasy soccer day prize. Yes I’m that guy. My unreasonable expectations were taking a step that my wildest hopes would have dismissed just moments before. Naked strange women was one thing. My favorite bartender whose imagined visage has roiled my monkey brain for months was a horse of a different color.




I was transfixed as her goth girl inspired clothing became a melting pathway to paradise.




Then our eyes met.

TMI Tuesday: September 18, 2018

Munchausen 

Welcome to sexy fun and playfulness at TMI Tuesday.

1. Which animal listed below represents your true sexual self?
a. Chipmunk – cute and cuddly

b. Monkey – all about being mischievousness. I think we are all monkeys on this bus

c. Tiger – I’ve earned my stripes

2. Your partner is in the mood for sexy fun and you are tired – what do you do?
a. Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.

b. Trade. You give me a massage… and we will see… Or just have a 68 session. You do me and I'll owe you one.

c. That would never happen!

3. Which of these sexual descriptive labels closely matches you?
a. Dominant
b. Submissive
c. Top
d. Bottom

e. Switch. Definitely a ripple on the upside down lake of the void sort.

f. Kinkster

4. Would you rather have your enemy eaten by a shark or die in an earthquake getting swallowed up by earth?

Well since sharks need to eat at least some good would come from the demise of my protagonist.

5. For the next year, would you rather be dressed like a mime every day OR look normal but not be allowed to talk?

Normal? I have nothing to say about that concept. I'll get back to you on that this time next year.

Bonus: What’s the most beautiful word in the world?

Antidisestablishmentarianism or Oops. Love em both

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: September 11, 2018

14m ago

• bed
• blog
• dating
• erotic
• fantasy

Deja vu TMI Tuesday as these questions were originally posted November 18, 2014.

Fill in the blank

1. When I can’t sleep I take you in my mind .

2. My dream bedroom would be full of your scent .

3. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow it would be in your arms .

4. I need to hold you at night.

5. Life of never having you would truly be a nightmare.

6. Night time is the right time to lick you senseless.

Bonus: Briefly tell us about your last dream–erotic or not.

I dreamed I was sitting along side some railroad tracks. There was a bunch of us hobos doing hobo things that hobos do while siting alongside railroad tracks. One of the hobos was there with his pet tiger. A train full of cattle started passing by. These cattle were obviously going to slaughter, stuffed in the railroad cars, yet still in the open air cages. Some of the cars had carcasses already in various stages of being butchered. But the train slowed and then came to a stop right next to the tiger and us. The tiger took notice and started nipping at the cow nearest the cage bars. The cow and tiger began to get agitated. One of the train crew came along carrying what appeared to be ribs from a slaughtered cow and proceeded to open up the train car in spite of us hobos yelling not to do that seeing as how there was a tiger in the neighborhood. Well of course the tiger follows the crew member onto the train car full of cattle. Fortunately the train man got out safely but there was no stopping the tiger which began to eviscerate in very graphic detail every single cow in the car. The tiger was gleefully disemboweling a calf when I mercifully woke up.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: July 17, 2018

Posted on July 16, 2018by TMI Tuesday blog

Fun and a bit crazy, that is this week’s TMI Tuesday.

It could happen…

1. If each of your index fingers could spew a liquid for the rest of your life, what liquid(s) would it be.

Rainwater and grain alcohol. My cocktail of choice BTW.

2. If you could talk to everyone in the world for 5 minutes, all at once, what would you say?

I would say, "Why don't ya'll dummy up for five minutes and think before you say something from now on." Then I would enjoy the next four minutes and fifty seven seconds of peace before the endless gibberish resumes.

3. Would you rather not be able to eat for a week OR not be able to _____ for a month?

Easy peasy. I would rather not be able to converse with anyone for a month. See answer to number 2. Now let's eat!

4. What exhilarates you?

Eating.

5. What is the best perk of your job? What is the best perk you have ever had at any job?

Having my own office with a big comfy couch and a door that locked.

Bonus:  Just how naughty are you?

Very naughty. Especially when I had my own office with a big comfy couch and a door that locked.

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tender Tabernacle

When I am inside you I adore running my fingers through the satiny pages of your flowing folds. Running my fingers along the event horizon where my shaft sleekly splits you wide and melds into making us as one. How your body pulses and vibrates when my finger tip presses my moment where your taint starts and my full immersion leads. As my finger trace back around gathering a glistening sheen unable stop until I have encircled my girth. Perfect placement for my thumb to find the very pinnacle of your tender tabernacle. There to give service and pay homage to that nubbin with an ever gentle rubbing. Your blue eyes become bluer. Your blond hair becomes blonder. Golden strands fall before your face and you sigh, then gasp the sweet sigh of release.

Pass Around Joy

1. Packed and Stacked
2. Bev's Flowing Ardor
3. Meanwhile
4. Moke A Joint
5. Nanny Ride
6. Bwana
7. Joy Ride
8. Another Ride

TMI Tuesday: June 12, 2018

Posted on June 11, 2018by TMI Tuesday blog

What do ice-cream and sex have in common? We discuss both this TMI Tuesday, that’s what.

1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?

Vanilla Berry Swirl; because I l always savor slipping my vanilla bean into a sweet juicy succulent bursting berry and swirling it over under sideways down and around and around until together we churn out something sweet.

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

My filthy super smooth super smutty super sexy boom boom boomski bedroom talk.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)?

Health issues.

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?

Me knowing when not to use my filthy super smooth super smutty super sexy boom boom boomski bedroom talk.

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

They don't recognize what a googly eyed romantic I am because I tend to keep that to myself

Bonus:  When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

My clueless self looking back at me.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Vegan Adventures

One minute I'm having a cold brew at Slammies.

Next thing I know I am in JoJo the bartenders bed.

She is stuffing the business end of a Cauliflower floret with an asparagus spear chaser up my rear.

I didn't know she was a vegan.

Just another early 21st century night.

Tempest Slacker

Tempest Slacker was sleek. Her genes had clearly spent centuries traversing the four corners of the globe. Never mind the fact that a globe has no corners, her DNA had clearly kept all the best parts of her ancestors global meandering. While the eye of this beholder makes that highly judgmental and subjective observation the laws of symmetry always hold sway to visually processed stimuli. Or so I have heard. Perfection oozed from her pores. Shiny black hair that had never known the cruel blades of a shear made high heels a necessary accessory to keep her perfectly split free silky ends from sweeping the ground when the swishing sashay of her fully follicle obscured behind was in transit.

I alone among men knew the treasure that swayed behind that opaque curtain of hair, and was insanely jealous when ever she tossed her head to tease a peak to strangers left agog in her wake. But I digress. Or at least momentarily regress to my more base instincts until I again transcend myself to maintain my coveted title of human being.

But on this day and in this time it is a trifle trying. Tomorrow will be more so. For tomorrow is the day of days. The day when Tempest and I enter The Teapot Dome and tangle with the Gene Rippers one on one.

TMI Tuesday: February 21, 2017

Wait, wait. Come back. I’m here. It’s a holiday in the U.S. I slept in, got disoriented about what day it was but finally here is this week’s TMI Tuesday.

Fill-in the blank.

1. I am too busy to get anything done other than reading all the lacivious thoughts and deeds, imagined or otherwise, that all you lovely people share in naughty bloggyland.
2. Last week I did not do TMI Tuesday because
I was busy trying out some of the things all you lovely people wrote about in naughty bloggyland.
3. Last week’s TMI Tuesday’s responses were penetrating and thrust deep into the hot wet depths of the psyche  many of you display out there in naughty bloggyland.
4. Some posts shared in naughty bloggyland are quite luscious, lascivious and salacious but that depends on dreams.
5. Virgin sex is a one off, but a memorable one off indeed as told in some naughty bloggyland posts.

Bonus: The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?

Your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I dispute that anything is ever really forgotten. It's just misfiled. But it gives me great satisfaction to know that the percentage of knowledge I have forgotten can be more valuable than reams of knowledge attained and sitting unused in an attic. Besides which I live with the knowledge that I know what I know until I know something different.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!