Friday, August 14, 2009

Cell Phone Etiquette

Sometimes it just impossible to mind your own business when riding on public transportation. People just want to drag you into their lives while yapping on their cell phones. Now usually it is just the mundane day to day, but every so often one gets a glimpse into the really dark side of human nature. There are a million stories broadcast on the naked cell phone. This is one of them.
It all began as just a typical ride on the bus and the usual scene of a mom getting on the bus proceeded by a crying child. The only thing was that this was at a corner near one of the halls of justice in our fair city. I suppose the mothers first comment should have foretold the coming festivities, but a mom telling a toddler to “ Don’t worry, we will get that son of a bitch” could have meant anything from a rowdy playground mate to the child's paternal genetic material donor. But no, a blog plot that would not make.

Then the phone calls commenced and all the riders on the bus were privy to a skirt lifting to reveal the back story. No hushed conspiratorial tones here this conversation was played out in full playground voice. Here’s a synopsis.
Fresh out of court where this woman's significant other was being arraigned for an alleged assault on a taxi driver, this charge apparently was dropped, brought to light an outstanding warrant on another assault charge on someone named “Josh” who was a common acquaintance to this particular circle friends. We now have established the identity of said “son of bitch’ to be gotten, and a brief aside of the heart rendering tale of the child’s farewell to dad on the way to the lockup. This apparently caused some confusion and anxiety in the child hence the crying, which had thankfully subsiding as he observed his maternal role model spring into action to defend her family.
Apparently this first call sharing the details was a message left on a friends phone, ostensibly a prospective avenger. With the second call which was completed we unsuspecting bus passengers were introduced to the master plan. The heroine in our story had decided on a course of action. Find somebody to give her a few bruises and contusions so she could file a police report accusing the fiend we have learned to be“Josh” of this malicious act. One already known to have perpetrated the crime of filing an assault charge on her loved one. A course of action guaranteed to make every unfortunate victim of such non staged violent crimes cringe.

Then there was a long string of references to the violence that will be done to “Josh” in jail and the treatment his fellow felons would reward him with for “beating on a woman”, the graphic fantasy of Bobbitizing Joshes member, and glee of his contracting aids from the misuse by his fellow prisoners. The things children learn at their parents knee. The things we learn from taking public transportation in one half hour or less.

Now of course you may ask where was the good citizen on the bus to intervene in the plotting of an apparent illegal act, subjection of a minor to inappropriate language as well as inappropriate cell phone usage on public transportation. The answer is easy. The bitch is crazy and you try to avoid crazy people on public transportation. Do you really want to involve yourself in any way shape or form with this aberrant gene strain. Not me. But the question remains…how many others like her are out there?
Besides, I am sure she was just letting of steam in response to an emotional situation. She couldn’t be stupid enough to carry out such misguided course of action after sharing this plot with 25 people. Could she?

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Purveyor of paralogical compliance to verbally mediated reality, artisanal smut, with a pinch of full time flâneur tossed in to taste.