Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Monday, January 9, 2012

Heidi Klum's Massively Flared Jeans (PHOTO, POLL)

Heidi Klum's Massively Flared Jeans (PHOTO, POLL):

From the baseless rumor and innuendo desk: Heidi is merely hiding her now hideously swollen calves after a freak plastic surgery misadventu­re.
The misinforma­tion always starts with me.

'via Blog this'

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Fathers Day

bedtime paradox http://ping.fm/cNIYb

Just the kind of thing I would pull while raising the base fruits of my burning lust. 


I wonder if any of them will call today?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Pain

Pain becomes part of life. Everyday takes into consideration the number of steps, or better to say the minimum number of steps to complete a task. But I moved blindly from day to day, searching to find an accommodation between my workaholic ways, and my new responsibilities. The stress that I felt, and the pain that I felt grew and grew everyday. It had been hard to feel good about myself for years. Accomplishment in a career that seemed to be slowly killing me, and the new weekly regiment that left little time to enjoy the things that I thought I was working for. This is not an uncommon feeling for many of us. Yet the increase in economic compensation was steadily losing ground to the economic demands of the Planet and the satellites. Any mention of receiving an accounting from the Planet was greeted by a flood of defensive maneuvers from Janet. I was unaware, and still am to this day, of the depth of emotions any mention of expenditures elicited from the Planet.  She was on a different operating system from the one I was on , and there was no finding an interface between the two.

Perhaps it was the Planets way of dealing with an empty life. For some  having a home and two satellites would be a fulfilling challenge. The opportunity to be a stay at home mom to some would be the most precious of gifts. The most ideal situation that this existence can bestow some would say. So many in our time cannot affords that luxury. The chance to be there through the early years long after maternal corporate leave runs out to many is an unattainable extravagance. Apparently it was. Yet there is so much to do and to experience watching the growth of a new human, who would choose to turn them over for ten hours a day to well investigated strangers. Good references or not you still never really know.

But the planet was an adrenaline junkie as well. She thrived on the company of others. The challenges of a career creating and transacting commerce is a drug all it's own. The appreciation of peers, the social interaction of others, and the feeling of a job well done is a reward we are all bred for these days. It is how our society bestows perceived value on us all. Although much lip service is given to the value of the interplanetary family unit, the rewards are not at all apparent externally. It is a value that can only be felt within. I can only speculate that the Planet need more exterior assurance than she received from within, and to my shame from me as well.

So to the planet it was like being cast adrift in space with no communication other than the arduous tasks demanded by the new moons. A vast emptiness that needed to be filled with the only tool she felt were available to her.

Credit Cards.  

  Credit Cards can be a blessing. Used judiciously they can facilitate immediate gratification, help retailers and governments keep track of your spending, and even make a profit for those that issue them on the juice especially if you get a little behind for a month or two.

  They can also become toxic when used on a planetary scale. When you add to the mix the legalized pyramid schemes commonly known as Multi Level Marketing, the dreaded MLM, it can only set the stage for a disaster of global proportions.

  While the Planet was gestating satellite number two, she began to dabble in that most insidious and ever present grandmother of all MLM schemes, Our Lady of the Pink Cadillac. Mary Kay.  Well the planet began to nibble at that bait but birthing took priority. But after young Addison was orbited, The Planet bought into Pink Caddy dreams with a vengeance.

Now I am sure that thousands of woman have made this work for them by building their business a little at a time , reinvesting their sales to resupply their inventory, and slowly build their pyramids. This however was not how the Planet operated.

  Judith Janet Planet not only needed to buy monthly inventory at levels that would put her on pace for her ultimate dream, regardless of the existence of any sales at all, but she also needed to have people do the housework, and care for the satellites as well. The Planet, a true aficionado of self help books, had read that to achieve success you had to live your life like that success had been achieved already. Step one of business plan apparently was to run this enterprise on credit cards till it was in the black.

  However the only black on the horizon was the black hole our unwholey union was spinning into.


Yes , unwholey.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pink Mist

The fact of the matter is children and Planets are not owned. We just become voluntary care takers for each other and those that have been placed in our sphere of influence. Often I found myself woefully lacking. But push on all parties did to try to keep open lines of communications. But storms in Indiana often bring down power and communication lines. Bring them down it did. Slowly at first. One could say the Planet's and my infrastructure would be deemed structurally deficient.

Unfortunately at this time no such inspection had taken place.

But it would.

Then there was the SS line and it’s daily reminder.There was a palpable quiver up my spine upon my first of many daily arrivals from Hoosiervillie. What I saw on the first commute on the first morning of what would become a sixteen year ordeal should have been warning enough. The manifestation in the world of the harbinger of bad things from a dream ten years previous should have been heeded.

I dreamt in October of nineteen eighty, before the world had been subjected to Ronny and the Rayguns that I was boarding a train. The platform was high up on a huge wood framed trestle. Up and up I climbed until I boarded the train. It took off like a roller coaster giving all aboard the ride of their lives. On an on it went tossing us like clothes in a dryer. Then it stopped in a huge high grass prairie. The train to return home was on the other side of this grassland. As I walked towards my train home my feet got heavier and heavier. Then my legs felt like they were in cement. I could no longer pull my legs through the high grass. I was stuck and would never get my train home. There is no going home.

So on this first morning of the first commute when I pulled in to the station I saw where that dream train ride had begun. I felt I was in another world. How true it was . It was the Planets world now. I had changed many things already. There was much more to come.

But on this morning as my train arrived in Chicago and I came face to memory with the scene of that ten year old October dream which became my October nightmare all rolled into October 17, nineteen hundred and eighty. The day of the pink mist.

As I worked through another day of pain I counted all the good things that had happened to me in the decade since. Although there stood a reminder of a prescient dream, I counted my blessings on that December nineteen hundred and ninety morning. Things in my world couldn't have turned out better.

  Or so I thought

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Owners Manual

I would have to say that like any story there are usually at least three versions.  That's because in any relationship  each person is having a minimum of three within that commerce. First there is how one projects themselves to you. second there is how you perceive that projection. Third is who that person really is, which that person might only be marginally aware of. With the sudden rush of life changes that happened in a short span, perhaps neither I nor the Planet had a clue who or where we were.

It was certainly a huge change for the Planet. One might say it had global implications. The ravages of child birth on a body are something that a male cannot, never will, and has no reason to want to imagine. Empathy has it's limits. Perhaps I was even less empathetic than some. After all I wasn't consulted on the commencement of the parenting. Girl friend soon to be wife stops taking pills without warning is a guaranteed pregnant Planet. Although I never brought it up and rarely thought about it, perhaps that was the first of the constantly multiplying three hundred pound gorillas that inhabited mine and the Planets universe.

I certainly love those little sputnik's.

So within two years my reality had altered. The inventory of  my life's concerns multiplied, I might add, in many wonderful ways. To have two healthy sons, a new home to live in, a dog (hound from hell though she may have been), and a spouse who would always reply “I love you too”, I figured I had achieved the American dream. Of course the implications of always hearing “I love you too” were lost on me at the time.

Daily travel from the heart of Indiana was a minimum of one hour each way, and that only after the Planet had gotten her brand new leased Jeep Cherokee. Because to travel the wild and woolly SS line usually made commute door to door a minimum of two hours each way. Driving not only cut that time to half but it also freed me from the mercy of the SS schedule, which gets sparser and sparser as the evening wears on. Miss a train and you now add an additional hour or two of away time at the best of times.

The separation by time and geography may not seem like much, and there are many that make the same a part of their business day. We all have to get to where the most advantageous commerce can be transacted. That's why we are able to outsource so many of our jobs. The lure of cheap labor has always been the motivation for expansion and colonization. Thus Indiana was always a perfect source for the Chicago area. Since most industry jobs are gone from Indiana, over the years I saw the numbers of people boarding that last inter-city electric rail line increase ten fold from what it had been at the outset.

Perhaps they were drawn out there to the Planet. Gravitational forces still have a many mysteries for us all.

Funny how easy it is to fool yourself into believing that everything is all right. Sometimes when you have the least amount of time and are the busiest, there is absolutely no chance to mull over whether you are happy or not. As crazy as those years were, I know now as I knew then that they were happy years. I can only speak for myself, because I now know that I can only be sure of, and responsible for my own happiness. Enjoy the journey because if enjoyment is contingent on an outcome, joy becomes a rare commodity.

Journeys there were many. Every day was a journey and as it becomes routine the weeks make you weary and months make more mundane occurrences a blur. Being one of the landed gentry in Hoosierville, yet spending most of my waking hours in the cement canyons of a major rust belt city often made me feel a bit disjointed. Having grown up being able to walk to the corner store , corner restaurant, corner bar, corner of the universe made me even more sensitive to the vacuum of the Indiana population density. But what population is there feels much the same about Chicago people as Chicago people feel about them. Us against them proliferates on the planet, whether you bring your own Planet or not.

For a city boy surrounded by the contrasts of the natural beauty and industrial scars of northwest Indiana, with it's lack of urban diversions, cultural diversity, as well as it's just plain sub suburban environment left me at a loss for diversions. Maintaining a household with expansive yard and home repairs kept me occupied over the weekends when the call of commerce didn't take me away. The constant demands and search for a balance between family and career eluded me mercilessly.

To make matters worse , as any new parent will tell you , children do not come with an owners manual.

Neither did the Planet.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Formula for a Family

Formula for a family:

Talk about living together.

Significant other does not buy pills. Claims it was because she didn't have the money. Red flags should have started waving before my eye's. But they didn't so....

Have one hell of a wedding and honeymoon.

Learn to breathe.

Baby numero uno.

Honeymoon ends.

Enter the orbital adjustments of being a stay at home mom and no longer having a career. The spin of the Planet’s general disdain, that many career women have for stay at home moms, which though not immediatly apparent, was ever seething beneath the Planet’s crust.

The Planet latter claimed on our first visit to a therapist that she tried very hard at being domestic those early months, but just could not stomach it. If she was being domestic I did not notice. Perhaps another instance of my insensitivity.  But then it is very hard to tell with the bedlam brought about by a new newborn in the home. Only time I had to think was when I was at work, so I can only imagine what it was like having bee's live in her head those first couple of months.

It soon became clear that downtown is no place to raise a baby. Of course I may not have noticed, I was busy working while knowing that I was now the sole provider for three. Many would have found it comfortable to live on what I provided. But the Planet was not many. It was clearly time to find the picket fenced home sweet home for our family and I was fortunate enough to not have to drive us deeply into debt to accomplish this. Just what I considered a manageable mortgage on a home. I did so want to keep the Planet happy.

The Planets remedy.

Buy house move to another state.

Quote the Planet, 'I did not know what I was going to do, but I couldn't go on like this".
Was this first clue of postpartum depression or of plan to divorce when cash flow was adequate.
But first other global changes needed to be made. The Planet lived for change.
Change the company I had worked for for eleven years and work for the company the Planet used to work for. Fewer friends for me and even fewer old female consorts I suppose.

 Four months later: Supprise! Stop taking pills=baby number duo. The Planet had decided to get this birthing and fetching up business out of the way in one fell swoop.

Viola-family.

These are the surprises I was learning to live with within the Planet’s realm.

So much in life can be looked back on with the epitaph of it seemed like a good  idea at the time. Motives for all parties are often muddled between what is said to be wanted, what others think is wanted, and what is really wanted. Often the latter is as hidden from yourself as much as it is concealed from others. Clarity is a hard commodity to purchase for the currency itself is often a mystery.

Within months there were ripples of dissatisfaction for all concerned. However with communication between myself and the Planet not being what it was either perceived to be or certainly what it should have or could have been, we were indeed traveling in a void. It is the things we try to fill that void with that in the long run become truly problematic.

The few months spent living in the downtown hi-rise were indeed a blur. By living so close to work the temptation was always there to stay a little later than necessary and still get home at a decent hour. Of course the job still had it's peculiar hours and work schedule and I was rather busy with the transaction of commerce. It was also possible to pop home if there was something that needed my attention. However I do not recall  many occasions where the Planet called. The Planet stands alone and it is up to you to know the call is there. I know that now. In reality it was only three months with young Clark that went by in downtown land, but from some reason it seemed much longer. Much longer for the Planet as became apparent. I had apparently made all the mistakes that really counted by then. The next thirteen and a half years were merely a relationship in it's death throes. Nothing passes quickly with the Planet. Geological time is marked differently than our perception of time.

So what were the reasons we moved to that distant and dark land of the Indians. First of the Planet wanted to be close to her family. She wanted the help with our first son Clark. Even though it would mean an almost four hour journey on a daily basis to my enterprise. This from my accustomed less than half hour daily jaunt. Could this have been in the Planet’s design as well?

But I wanted the Planet to be happy.

We also got a great deal on a house on the big lake.Home life was like living in a vacation home. At least it was for me.

Originally the plan was for the Planet to pick up her career after Clark  got a couple years under his belt. With the arrival of Addison that seemed to be on hold but I was under the illusion that the basic plan would be maintained. But the Planets appetite for consumption was only just beginning. The Planet had cast off two satellites within eighteen months of each other. A prodigious feat of creation. The little asteroids where perfect as asteroids can be.

What more could one ever expect from Judith Janet Planet. Much more was indeed in the offing.

The Planet would make good on that assumption in spades.

About Me

My photo
Purveyor of paralogical compliance to verbally mediated reality, artisanal smut, with a pinch of full time flâneur tossed in to taste.